I Didn't Say We Could Snuggle!
by Nosfrat
Summary: Dempsey is separated from the group. After thinning out a horde of zombies on his own, only one female is left standing. And like a true man, he starts thinking with his dick. One-Shot, set in Shangri-La, inspired by Dempsey's various quotes. I just had to write this. You don't have to read it. Rated T for mild violence, suggestive themes and language.


_**A/N: I was playing Shangri-La a few days ago (for the first time in months), and when I heard some of Dempsey's quotes, I knew I just had to write this. The end is probably a little rushed but whatever, I just wanted to write this little one-shot about what's probably the most unexpected 'pairing' ever. As usual, many quotes and references to the actual game, and other things.**_  
_**Enjoy!**_

_**This is a re-upload, this fic was originally titled Don't Fuck With A Marine but apparently having "fuck" in the title is against the rules. Bunch of hypocrites...**_

* * *

"Grab the little furry fuckbag! He stole something!" yelled Tank as a zombified monkey was running off with a power-up.

"Never steal from a Soviet." said Nikolai matter-of-factly as he slashed the monkey in half with his combat knife. He then proceeded to grab the power-up which ended up being a max ammo.  
"Good, I hate buying ammo. Wait, I feel like dirty capitalist for saying that..."  
"Don't tell us about it, Russian! Fight!" Takeo growled, struggling to keep zombies off him while reloading his PM63 submachine gun.

"Guys, come over here!" Dempsey said while running toward the water slide.  
"Let's wait here until we're getting overrun, then let's get our asses wet!"  
"My ass! My beautiful ass!" cried Nikolai.  
"Sounds perverse." smirked Richtofen.

Soon enough a massive horde was closing in on them, whittling down their ammo count and forcing them to take defensive positions.  
"Go Dempshey, ve vill hold zem!"  
"Alright Doc', we'll regroup near the power." answered Tank as he jumped on the water slide, enjoying himself far more than he should, considering that he was fighting for his life in the middle of a zombie-infested temple, itself in the middle of fucking nowhere.

"NO DEMPSEY, DON'T!" screamed Nikolai as he accidentally found himself too close to a freshly dropped nuke power-up, wiping out all the zombies nearby. But it was too late, Dempsey couldn't hear him and was already down there, reloading his upgraded AK74u, for which he had just bought more ammo.  
The Marine heard screams coming from the tunnels and the telltale sound of the undead digging their way to the surface of the Earth, those zombies they had called 'risers'.

"Yeah right, let it to me to kill them all... Actually, solid plan." he grinned and unleashed a fury of lead upon the pack of reanimated corpses. By the time he had to reload, only one zombie was left standing, and it was dangerously close. It clawed at him, making him wince in pain and jump backwards.  
"I didn't say we could snuggle!"

The female zombie, taken aback by the reaction of her 'prey', stopped moving and shook her head. Dempsey, seeing for the first time a zombie reacting to something (other than dying or losing limbs as a reaction to his manly weapons), stopped moving as well and inspected the zombie closer. She had pale skin, was probably in her early 30s, and had a few boils on her face. Her dark hair was tied in a bun with a small barrette and she was wearing casual, though damaged clothes. He had lost track of how long it had been since the last time he was with a woman, though he had heard one a few days ago, he couldn't shake off the thought that it could have been someone famous. So, someone clearly out of reach for him. A wall of concrete and thousands of zombies were between them anyway so...

He took a step closer to the zombie, who still didn't move, glaring at the American soldier. There he was, face to face with a zombified female, in the middle of an ancient temple crawling with flesh-eating monsters, and he was actually thinking with his dick.  
"A zombie! It's a fucking zombie!" his mind was screaming. But he found himself reaching for her head, and cupping her cheek in his hand. She opened her eyes as wide as she could, but didn't react with hostility. The Marine closed the little distance separating the two of them, and stared at her, getting lost in her glowing amber eyes. As he analyzed the situation, and what he was about to do, he made a mental note of declining a shot of Nikolai's vodka the next time he revived the Russian.

* * *

[Dempsey's P.O.V.]

I withdrew my hand from her cheek and placed it behind her head, drawing her close enough for me to... Wait, was it even safe? She could bite me. She could claw at me (again). She could... Fuck it, I have to do it. I have to at least try. I've been stuck fighting those things for what feels like months, I haven't gotten any action, I'm a Marine for fuck's sake. Hoorah.

I placed my lips on hers, and before I could do anything, I violently snapped her neck upon hearing what sounded like human groans.

"No kisses until you brush your teeth, sweetheart!" I yelled as her body fell limp to the ground. I then turned around to see my three teammates standing there, a mix of disgust and surprise on their faces.  
"Dempshey, vat ze hell vere you doing?"  
"What does it look like? I'm being a badass and killing freakbags, as usual."  
"Lying brings dishonor upon your kind." stated Takeo.

His fears confirmed, Richtofen pinched his nose.  
"Oh... Scheiße. Nikolai, can you hand me ze vodka, bitte?"

Suddenly I felt like I had just fucked up. Big time.  
"Hey Dempsey don't worry, she looked better than first wife!" smiled Nikolai. "And than fifth wife!" he added, he then started to laugh uncontrollably, before burping and coughing. I sighed in defeat.  
"Whatever... isn't it time to resume killing? At least until... until whatever's gonna happen next, happens?"  
"You are childish, American. But it is always time to kill for a warrior like Takeo."

The Japanese man walked out of the room, gun in hand, followed by Richtofen taking a sip of vodka, and Nikolai trying to stop his coughing fit.

The next time they're downed, or far from me, I might try that again... I chuckled to myself as I reloaded my guns, following my teammates out of the enclosed, rocky room.


End file.
